I Could Use a Man About Now

What the heck is this, and can I throw it away?

There comes a time in every single girl’s self-sufficient existence when a man would be the best accoutrement in the world…

I’m sitting here in my office surrounded by cords and other technological gew-gaws whose purposes elude me. I wish I had a man around to tell me what to do with this junk. I sent a friend a picture of a couple of cords that are apparently cat5 cords, that I might need in my new place, so I’d better keep them, and he’ll help me network myself, and…huh?

He lost me at “cat5.”

Don’t men always want to save all the cords? Frankly, I don’t know what to think about these cat5s, but I’ll keep them for now.

The funniest thing about my life is that I earn most of my money as a technical writer and editor, but I’m clueless when it comes to technology. I’ve still got my ancient laptop because it’s the one from which I can print, and that’s because my printer is so old (but so good still!) that my newer laptop doesn’t have an in slot — or whatever you call it — for the printer cord.

My newer laptop is decrepit too. I need a new laptop…I need a wireless printer…I need a man for my technology like I need a man to sometimes help me with car stuff. Men always know what to do with duct tape, too. That’s cool. My duct tape sits around coated with dust.

Oh, wait, I used the duct tape on my door back in August. The door knob broke — how that’s possible, don’t ask me — and I found myself stranded in my apartment with a door knob I couldn’t turn. In true damsel in distress fashion, I started yelling off my balcony for someone to open the door from the outside. The duct tape came in handy to force the latch bolt inside the door until the repair guy arrived. (Don’t be impressed that I know the term “latch bolt”; I just Googled “door knob mechanism.”)

I’d like to see a rent-a-man service. Not for a specialist like the repair guy, but for an all-around handy guy, like in that “Sex and the City” episode in which Charlotte upgrades and fixes everything in her apartment. She fell in love with her handy guy, and maybe I would too…You never know. 

Actually, when I need man-type favors, I pay for meals and beer. That works. Men are so easy. I love that about them!

To the right of my feet sit a couple of Sony speakers that my sister gave me for Christmas a few years back. Ideally, I’d be listening to tunes from my laptop as I write this post, but I never figured out how to get the speakers to function. So, do I pack them for the move? Or donate them? Or ask for yet another man favor?

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