Negotiating With Self

Posted by on Feb 18, 2009 in Writing | 9 comments

coffeehouse1Today’s signs of spring: Dog panting on our walk and me only wearing a hoodie over a long-sleeved cotton shirt.

I’m sitting in a local coffeehouse, feeling low-grade anxiety. This low-grade anxiety tells me I ought to be working on today’s day-job task. This low-grade anxiety tells me that straight-A students don’t delay the paying work for a few hours. This low-grade anxiety tells me that someone (but who?) will get mad at me if I don’t turn around today’s day-job task one minute from now.

But here’s the first thing: The immediacy of day-job tasks will always trump fiction if I let them.

Here’s the second thing: Which means that if I’m not careful I’ll accomplish less fiction than usual.

Plus this: Unfortunately, my creativity turns off at night because by then I’m brain-tired.

How could I not peek?

How could I not peek?

However: Since I always make my deadlines and the day-job task isn’t creative, I’ll get it done this evening for sure.

So: Here I sit in a coffeehouse about to complete a few hours worth of fiction. Take that, low-grade anxiety. Pipe down, you.

How’s that for negotiating with myself?

9 Comments

  1. You should consider hire me to represent you against yourself. I am a tough negotiator. 🙂

  2. I need a tough negotiatior! I’m my own worst enemy sometimes, that’s for sure.

  3. I don’t know your day job employer, but I’d be very careful sharing stuff like this is in a public forum if it relates to how you’re approaching you’re job with them. They may be fine with everything but I’d hesitate to share the gory details of your internal prioritization of the stuff they want you to do on the Internet. Just sayin’…

    I’ve started to be less than completely open about my Facebook status line as more people from work have gained access to it.

  4. I think we all struggle to balance the work part of our life with the creative part of our life. It sounds to me like you are doing well at that balance!

  5. Hey Jim. You’re right, of course. The funny thing about a blog is that it is a persona, in this case kind of flippant. Of course I do good work in a timely manner, meeting all deadlines. The woman I work with knows I want to keep up with my fiction too…

    Funny thing: Saw a broadcast last night (was it KGW?) about how we’re supposed to be “professional” online too–it’s too bad. Can’t get away from work considerations even on our private time!

    P.S. Edited the post. Read better now?

  6. I’m trying, Bloglily, that’s for sure! Seems to me you’re the actual poster child for balancing time. I mean, you have a “real” job and kids! Yeeikes. I wouldn’t get any fiction accomplished at all in your life! 🙂

  7. It is all a matter of balance and following our intuition rather than our nagging ego.

  8. Thanks for visiting tobeme. The nagging ego is such a pain — drives me crazy at times. I’m going to check out your blog now!

  9. great pictures! and great choice to go with the fiction. Yup, day job stuff is for veg-head nights.

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