MARTHA STEWART, HAH! | Secret Life of a Chaotic Writer

Posted on August 22, 2013 by lalber

Luna the One-Eyed Wonder Dog, messy eater

My mind is too full. It’s so full of novel stuff (page proofs! an upcoming conference to prepare for! what about the current work-in-progress?!?!?) and Debutante Ball debut author blog stuff (fabulous relaunch 9/1! brainstorming! getting organized!) that I’m in danger of short circuiting. In fact, the other night I turned on my bedside lamp because I couldn’t sleep, and the bulb flared, popped, died, and blew the circuit while it was at it.

How perfectly symbolic.

The ying and yang of all this brain activity is that I’m oddly blank too. For example, when the light bulb blew out the circuit, I whimpered because I couldn’t bear the thought of dealing with an electrician. I whimpered some more when I realized I had no Wifi and would have to unplug the television cable. It took me 12 hours–t.w.e.l.v.e. hours–to remember to flip the circuit breaker back to on. Uh-huh, that’s what I’m talking about. Oddly blank.

Here’s another example: As of last week, I have ants in my house. I’ve lived in my place for three years, but NOW the frenetic little beasties show up.

Again, how perfectly symbolic.

Yes, OK, I’m too distracted to keep up on the cleaning. The place is a wreck, and my wee dog, Luna the One-Eyed Wonder, is a messy eater. So, yes, dried-up wet food crusts the linoleum. Or rather, crusted the linoleum because the ants cleaned it up for me. Now that they’ve discovered the Eden that is my kitchen, they’re here to stay.

I gaze at the ants–my own little ecosystem–clean up new dog and human messes, and that’s about it. My brain blanks out when I think about the next step. Honestly, I can’t be bothered to buy one of those ant poisoner thingies. I don’t even know what they’re called, and I can’t be bothered to find that out either. So the little beasties and I shall live in harmony for the time being.

I forgot about my toenails. No summery pedicures for me. In fact, I shouldn’t be seen in sandals.

I forget to roll the pet hair off my clothes before I run out of the house.

I discovered a mushy, practically liquified, bunch of asparagus in the crisper.

A load of laundry has been sitting on the dining table for a month. It’s dusty with–you got it–animal hair, so I’ll need to wash it again. Someday.

At a stop light, I sneezed and rolled into the car in front of me.

I blew through a stop sign–whoops!–and received a $250 traffic ticket.

I lost my keys and shelled out $150 for a locksmith…

Now I don’t know how to end this post. I normally try to round them out, return full circle, but. My mind just went blank again.

GOOD NEWS | I’m Officially a Debuting Novelist

Posted on June 5, 2013 by lalber

KILMOON takes place in western Ireland. Old burial grounds like this provided tons of inspiration.

(Read more about the novel here: KILMOON)

Yep, that’s me: debuting novelist! I’ve been debuting myself in my imagination for years, so it’s strange to be here with a baby book on its way through a gestation cycle — editing, and interior design, and cover design. Exciting!

My authorial cycle is just as hectic. Here’s the immediate to-do list:

1. New website. My current website is pretty stale now. Needs a revamp. So I need to find a website designer, decide on content, write that content…

2. Author photo! If you’re anything like me, the thought of having your photo taken — especially an official photo — doesn’t send you over the moon with enthusiasm. First there’s the pose. Shall I sit with chin on fist, looking contemplative? Or how about with arms crossed in an I’m-a-serious-writer pose? To be honest, I picture myself at a pub with a Guinness standing proud before me. Perhaps with a Guinness and with chin on fist?

And what about wardrobe? I might have to buy a few new tops, and I don’t like clothes shopping. Makeup?! Yee gads. I’m also not a fan of makeup, but I might need to buy — foundation? Hmm…I’d better ask for advice from my girly-girl girlfriends.

3. Last bits of the manuscript: acknowledgments, dedication, author bio. The acknowledgments are challenging because I’ve been revising the novel for years (off and on). I can’t remember everyone who provided feedback or research information. Lesson learned for the second novel: keep an acknowledgments list!

4. Figure out social networking, for real. It might help if I blogged consistently, eh? I hereby and with sincere hope vow to write a blog post once a week. (What’s today? Wednesday? So, every Wednesday? Do any of you dear readers have an opinion about which days are the best blogging days?)

Facebook – check. (Come find me if you’d like!) Do I REALLY need a Facebook author page? I’d better ask around.

Over the weekend, I Twitter-ized myself. Getting familiar with that. Just learned that “RT” means “retweet.” That’s a good start.

I think I might join Goodreads because I’ve been meaning to anyhow. And that’s it. No Tumblr or Pinterest or whatever the latest social-media outlet is. (I do need to finish revising the second novel in the series, after all.)

5. Most important: keep writing! It’s way too easy to get sidetracked by social media and the business side of writing. I’m feeling pressure to be out there in the see-and-be-seen way. I’m the friendly sort, so this isn’t too hard–and I like meeting new people. (Just yesterday I virtually met Kristopher of bolobooks.com, a book reviewer–nice and smart reviewer!) However, since I’m the easily distracted type, this could be problematic.

There are more tasks, but I’m feeling a wee bit exhausted having written up my top five. OK, off to write the acknowledgments!

Writer, Author, Student

Posted on September 14, 2009 by lalber

I passed a quiet weekend with my writing. This morning, it occured to me that I experienced my writer’s life from three distinct vantage points.

As Lisa the Writer, I, as you might expect, wrote. In fact, on Saturday I officially finished Act I of the new novel. I call it a step in the right direction that I wrote toward the first dramatic point, instead of winging my way toward it.

As Lisa the Author, I received a sweet surprise from my book group. After discussing Sue Milller’s The Senator’s Wife, my friends thrilled me to pieces by pulling out the Elizabeth George anthology that contains one of my short stories. They’d bought copies and insisted I autograph them–oh my! I was tickled to pieces, and, of course, froze up at the thought of signing the books. What was I supposed to write?

I wrote personal bits to them, but this fun experience got me thinking about practicing my signature and about coming up the quick autograph statement. “Enjoy!” is a common one. “Best thoughts!” “With every good wish!”

It’s fun to dream.

As Lisa the Student, I began a 10-week writing workshop. A writing buddy happened to mention the class, and within five minutes I railroaded him into emailng the instructor for the both of us (since we were at a coffeehouse and he had his Mac). We nabbed the last two spots. The author, April Henry, is a NYT bestseller who writes thrillers; and the class focuses on suspense, mystery, thriller, crime; and since I need to amp up my plotting and pacing skills; and since I’m starting something new…Serendipity!