Writer, Author, Student

Posted on September 14, 2009 by lalber

I passed a quiet weekend with my writing. This morning, it occured to me that I experienced my writer’s life from three distinct vantage points.

As Lisa the Writer, I, as you might expect, wrote. In fact, on Saturday I officially finished Act I of the new novel. I call it a step in the right direction that I wrote toward the first dramatic point, instead of winging my way toward it.

As Lisa the Author, I received a sweet surprise from my book group. After discussing Sue Milller’s The Senator’s Wife, my friends thrilled me to pieces by pulling out the Elizabeth George anthology that contains one of my short stories. They’d bought copies and insisted I autograph them–oh my! I was tickled to pieces, and, of course, froze up at the thought of signing the books. What was I supposed to write?

I wrote personal bits to them, but this fun experience got me thinking about practicing my signature and about coming up the quick autograph statement. “Enjoy!” is a common one. “Best thoughts!” “With every good wish!”

It’s fun to dream.

As Lisa the Student, I began a 10-week writing workshop. A writing buddy happened to mention the class, and within five minutes I railroaded him into emailng the instructor for the both of us (since we were at a coffeehouse and he had his Mac). We nabbed the last two spots. The author, April Henry, is a NYT bestseller who writes thrillers; and the class focuses on suspense, mystery, thriller, crime; and since I need to amp up my plotting and pacing skills; and since I’m starting something new…Serendipity!

Today’s Friday?

Posted on September 11, 2009 by lalber

: Current mood: industrious

I call it a dandy sign that I turned down dinner with friends tonight. It’s not that I’m pathetic or antisocial, it’s that I floated around in fiction mode all week, lost track of the days, and figured tomorrow for another weekday.

Has that ever happened to you?

I also forgot that my book group is meeting on Sunday to discuss The Senator’s Wife by Sue Milller. I haven’t started the book yet…

All this forgetfulness is fine by me; it means I’m finally immersed in a long fiction project. I’m a little fearful that the next round of work deadlines (started to heat up this week) will derail me from the writing. I need to figure that one out, for sure.

But, meanwhile, working from home, you’d think the weekend distinction wouldn’t matter, but the notion is instilled into my hardwiring. Usually anyhow. Since I already declined a dinner out, I’m pretending tonight’s a typical Thursday night, or maybe Wednesday. I’ll start the next scene tonight before bed and continue it tomorrow morning.

Silly sidenote: What am I doing as I write this post, specifically this sentence at exactly 9:42 p.m.? I’m watching the new Melrose Place pilot episode! Yee gads, I know, I know! So far, this episode features murder, bribery, cougar action, adultery, financial ruin, a shaky marriage proposal, sexual proposals (for $$s), and depraved ambition. Maybe I am a little pathetic and antisocial, after all?

(P.S. Was the old Melrose Place that I watched with addictive glee as silly as this one?)

My Messy Office

Posted on September 6, 2009 by lalber

Just finished writing a short scene, and was about to start the next, when I made the mistake of gazing around my inner sanctum. Bad mistake — now I’m distracted by the mess. Over the past few weeks I’ve accomplished new heights of domestic godliness in all rooms except this one. I scrubbed, dusted, organized, vacuumed, and even carpet-cleaned. (Yes, I rented an actual machine.)

Except for the rugs, my industrious spurt did not extend to the office. The cleaning task is a burning imperative at this point. Unfortunately, I’m intimidated by my paper piles. Too many of them, and — I cheated! —

Sacrilege! A migrated paper pile atop my beloved dictionary!

some of them migrated here from other rooms during the Big Clean.

Nothing to do but take my laptop to a coffeehouse, I think. This IS a holiday weekend, after all.

How many old manuscripts do I need, anyhow?

And while I'm at it, I'd better dust too...

Started the New Novel!

Posted on September 2, 2009 by lalber

And it wasn’t as traumatic as all that. In fact, it felt natural, and as soon as I began writing, my anxiety drained away. Finished the first scene, and I’m okay with it for now. Gets me started.

However, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever be able to write “fast.” As in fast-paced…One of the things I’m doing differently this time is concentrating on suspense. As in, I’m going to write a suspense novel. I’m going to focus on pacing and plot. I’m going to have fun with it.

So, what do I do? Write a first scene that’s kinda quiet. I couldn’t write one of those wham-bam novels if I tried. And I am trying…I re-read the scene several times, feeling the usual self-doubt, but still overall, pleased at having started.

One thing I know about myself: I think symbolically, so without realizing it or particularly trying, I’ll have described something in the setting — for example, Christmas lights — and I’ll have described these lights in a way that illustrates my character’s mood, and then maybe a string flickers out, furthering the mood, inciting the character to reflect (but not for too long) on something…

Does that sound fast-paced to you?

Definitely not wham-bam, but, on the other hand, did I accomplish my first-scene goals? Grab quickly? Introduce an intriguing main character in conflict? End on an open-ended note? Introduce elements that will echo later?

I think so — I hope so. I guess we’ll see!

Lesson of the day: Accept my writing style while improving on my weaknesses.

I Get Scared

Posted on August 31, 2009 by lalber

I’ve been working on a new novel idea, and I’m doing it differently this time. (Hopefully I’ll elaborate on that soon.) At the moment, I’m a little scared. Do you get scared right before you begin your first scene?

I’m so anxious, my chest wall presses up against my sternum. It’s a little tight in there, like maybe my ribs have morphed into squeezing tentacles. A friend reminded me to have fun with this new story. But I’m still taking it all too seriously, probably because I want this fiction-thing to work out. I’ve been disappointed over the last year. Losing agent, languishing finished manuscripts, writing grant fini and day-job sucking at my creative marrow…

I can’t avoid the writing forever — and by avoidance I mean engaging in endless story-development exercises — because at some point the head of steam compels me to set words on paper. I feel uncomfortable and itchy, just gotta start. I’m at the teetering point now. I’ve been here before. The discomfort is familiar, and I’m thankful for that. I’ve worked through it before and will work through it now.

This discomfort in a good sign. The story has almost completed its initial gestation period.

This discomfort differs from that I felt at the beginning of the summer, when I thought I’d never have another story idea. Now that’s the truly scary place! Glad I’m past that.

My (Little) Taste of the Big-Time

Posted on August 3, 2009 by lalber

On Friday night, C, K, and I went to a movie. It being C’s birthday, and because this was a girly-friend custom, C picked the movie (a creepy one, also a custom), which we ambled toward after happy-hour drinks and a little shopping.

It just so happened that we passed a Barnes & Noble on our way to the theatre. C and K were too cute, wanting to check out the anthology I’ve mentioned many times already (can’t get enough of it!) in its natural habitat.

I need to practice my signature -- this is the wobbly version

Admittedly, I hadn’t thought to do this yet, so their enthusiasm grabbed me up too. We perused the “New Mystery” section, but, alas, we saw no sign of the anthology. We asked the information-desk lady, and she comfirmed that they had one copy left.

But where was this lone copy of TWO OF THE DEADLIEST? Answer: Up front on the “New Fiction” table! Too cool! I probably wouldn’t have said anything because of my horrifyingly dismal shameless-self-promotion skills, but K mentioned that I was a contributor.

And here’s where the little taste of the big-time comes in: Information-desk lady let me sign that lone book, and afterwards she slapped an “Autographed Copy” sticker on it!

I felt like a teeny, tiny star on the fiction horizon as C and K pulled out their cell phones to snap pictures of me and the book. We giggled like fiends, and the security guard watched us with a knowing smile. He’d lent me the pen I used to sign my story. I’m sure he’s seen local authors before, but this was a first for me!

Later, in the theatre’s bathroom, I called over the stalls to C and K: “If that isn’t enough to inspire me to get on with the next project, I don’t know what is.”

Maybe, just maybe, stuff’s starting to percolate again. Maybe, just maybe.

Hey, There’s My Name on the Back Cover!

Posted on July 20, 2009 by lalber

I’ve had a few short stories published, and I’ve received author’s copies in the mail. But today I received a whopper of an author’s copy. A luscious, 460-page hardcover anthology that’s so fresh, it squeaks. And, ah, that new-book smell, my nose up against the spine from the inside, no doubt killing brain cells sniffing the spine glue…

Finally! Two of the Deadliest, edited by Elizabeth George, has arrived. I mentioned this book in this post. And now I’ll quote Elizabeth George, from her Introduction:

“Included in this volume is something a bit different. In the second portion of the book, you will find “Introducing…,” a section devoted to a group of writers who are either largely unknown or who have not been published before. These women come from various backgrounds — they are journalists, educators, and techies — and they have all been students of mine at one time or another, in one venue or another. I have asked them to participate in order to bring them to the readers’ attention and, perhaps, to the attention of editors and publishers. It’s a rough publishing world these days, and people of note are often disregarded.”

Kudos to Ms. George for inviting us newbies to participate. She could have offered the page-space to well-known novelists instead — thus attracting their readers. Thank you, EG!

Blowing Out My Synapses

Posted on July 12, 2009 by lalber

You don’t even get a photo today, that’s how out of touch with my creativity I’ve been lately: no photography, no fiction, much less any ideas at all. Every once in awhile something sparks and then dies back to nothing-hood. Did I have an idea, huh, what was that flitting across my synapses? It was unusual, it felt great, but where did that spark go?

Last week I had a routine physical. My doctor asked about my nutritional supplement intake. I mentioned my daily 100mg. of 5-HTP. If you don’t know, 5-HTP is a brain chemical that helps with seratonin production (layman’s definition only), and we all know that seratonin is a depression-factor thingamajig. But, I’ve heard many people say this supplement doesn’t do anything for them, or it makes them feel weird.

Not me. I’m a basketcase without my 5-HTP. Skip it for a few days, and I’m practically nonfunctional. So I asked my doctor what that was all about. She looked at me in that piercing way of hers, and said, “You blow out your synapses, yes?” to which I responded, “Yes?” and she said, “Yes. You think too much, always in your head, everything circling around and around — you’re blowing out your synapses.”

WOW.

Basically I gotta get a life, learn how to relax and live more in the moment, give up a little control. This last befuddles me. If I were a control freak wouldn’t my home be spotless, wouldn’t my clothes be pet-hair free, wouldn’t I be freshly bathed everyday?

And here’s another question: If I’m overtaxing my brain so much, what exactly is it I’m thinking about? Besides day-job stuff, what’s taking up all the space, squashing out story ideas? Can someone please tell me?

Ah well, this was supposed to be a quick note to check in because I’m heading out of town. Please refer to my last blog post, to the comment left by Liz. Talk about coming at the perfect time! She’s a high-school buddy, and the last time I saw her was at a high-school reunion. I didn’t know she was reading my blog, which is cool. I’m about to head out to the McKenzie River — no wireless, sporadic cell phone service — for a few days. Feels like an experiment — no technology? — I might as well be going to the moon.

I vow that I shall do nothing except read, sleep, drink red wine, read, sleep, jump in the river, read, sleep, take walks, read, sleep, socialize…Wish me luck, though, because I already know that I’m going to pack a friend’s manuscript that I was supposed to have read months ago. I’m thinking I can get something done while I’m at the river, yes?

Me thinks this is exactly what my doctor meant about my poor brain, and exactly what she would not order…

Bark of a Pine

Posted on June 16, 2009 by lalber

In every deliberation, we must consider the impact on the seventh generation…even if it requires having skin as thick as the bark of a pine. Great Law of the Iroquois

This morning a dear friend called me. She was concerned because yesterday I’d e-mailed her in angry, ventful fashion. I’m fine today — well, not fine, but okay, rallying, that kind of thing — but yesterday I was bummed out but forced to set the emotions aside because of j.o.b. deadlines.

This post isn’t actually about the rejection I received.

This post is about how funny life is sometimes.

The reason I vented in that particular moment was because my friend had sent me an e-mail first. I might not have vented at all, otherwise. In her e-mail she’d written,

Nice, eh?

xoxo

That’s it. I had no clue what she was referring to, except I noticed the Iroquois quote at the bottom of the message, and having never noticed this quote before, or maybe having noticed but forgotten it so that it was new all over again, I thought she was making a point about the bark of a pine and being a writer.

Seemed logical to me, given my mood. And apt, the thick-skinned thing, of which I need to grow me some, and what with the perfect timing of the message, reading it right after the rejection…You can see why I replied back in a verbal purge.

Okay, that was that. I went back to work. Then, this morning my friend called partially to check on me, partially to verify: Hadn’t I received a royalty check for my Elizabeth George anthology story? (My friend also wrote a story for the anthology.)

OH!!!

I was so preoccupied, I’d forgotten to fetch the mail! And indeed, the check awaited me. Yesterday, receiving the check might have balanced out my mood. Receiving the check today, I laughed.

What I Did on My Lunch Hour

Posted on April 30, 2009 by lalber

Can out Luna begging for a little sandwich — Check out Luna begging for a little sandwich

Today — at noon, no less — I made the break. I wrenched myself away from my deadlines, put on semi-decent clothes plus a groovy necklace (which is really dressing up) and sped away from my home-office. With windows rolled down, I let the spring breeze mess up my already disheveled curls, which reminded me that I’m about two months overdue for a haircut.

But, no matter, because at least my hair was clean for a change, and the sun was out. Luna the Dog stared up at me, expecting and about to receive a desultory walk in the park, in which I chatted with other dogwalkers while she tried to avoid all dog-contact. She’s like that.

Then, off to a cafe with its outdoor seating back in place after a long winter. Happy day! Brie panini (a splurge, admittedly), latte, and laptop. I munched the sandwich as I munged words, achieving my hour’s worth of fiction for the day. Still not the best, still itchy that I can’t spend all day…But a step in the right direction, right?

Truth is, I could have worked another little while on the novel, but I decided to finish up my lunch hour with a little spring-cleaning. My home is a wreck, but now my balcony is habitable.

Alas, I must return to the training manual I’m editing, which means that the dog and the cat get to enjoy the balcony. Ah well, that was a mighty fine three-hour lunch hour!

Luna amidst the new geraniums and daisies

Trio on the new "anti-gravity" deck chair