On Honesty in Blogging, Part 1

Posted on December 1, 2008 by lalber

This blog, it’s supposed to be an honest reflection of my writing life. It’s supposed to highlight my thoughts on craft, my fiction-writing trials and tribulation, my bumpy road toward publication. I thought my blog might inspire other fledgling novelists. I thought it might inspire because I was optimistic that the low points would be the run-of-the-mill frustrations. I even count the literary-agent setback in that category because it’s a common story.

But now, I’m in a bad way, a very bad way, and here’s where it’s hard to be honest. It’s making my soul clench to have to write this — and maybe I want to cry just a little — but I honestly don’t know if publication is going to happen for me. I might have to quit my dream, or at least sideline it for a long while. But sidelining it feels like quitting.

I feel weak and fearful right now. I’m not used to feeling like this. I don’t like it.

I thought I’d be well on my way toward publication by now. I had two years worth of stored money (most of it by way of the writing grant mentioned in the sidebar) to see me safely through to a contract. Hah–that’s VERY optimistic, I know. I thought at the very least, no problem, because I’ve never had trouble finding part-time freelance work.

The reason this post is difficult to write is because it’s all about money. Every struggling artist’s nemesis. Who likes to be honest about that? It’s yucky.

I’m in a bad, bad way. I had money to last me until July 2009. I had two freelance jobs lined up for right know, lucrative jobs that would help fill the coffers so I could continue on past July 2009 in this writing life of mine. Who knew when I quit my job in July 2007 that everything would go to hell?

The freelance jobs never happened. The bad economy sucked them dry as well as most of my remaining grant money.

I realized my dire financial straits this morning. It hit me like a massive coronary. And since the optimal freelance jobs have dwindled, I found myself looking at ACTUAL JOB ads within my previous career: technical writing.

Ugh, I’m getting so depressed thinking about this–I’ll continue my train of thought tomorrow.

Tiny Blog Break

Posted on November 26, 2008 by lalber

Just until next week. Not feeling chatty at the moment, plus busy Thanksgiving weekend coming up. I’m looking forward to the busy-ness, which will be people-oriented. This, I think, will do me good. Get outside myself, you know what I mean?

And, yum, turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and pie!

It Is What It Is

Posted on November 24, 2008 by lalber

Sunshine picture for a sunnier perspective:

I’ll admit, I’m still unsettled by last week’s setback. My energy’s low. I want to take lots of walks, which is a sure sign that I’m melancholic. It’s not about the agent mishap. Not really. That was a trigger for other thoughts. The bigger thoughts about my life, the writing, what’s going to become of me, and so on. You probably know how that goes — pretty common, I’d guess.

However, one thing about me: I have a knack for stepping outside myself at the same time I’m falling into mini-funks. The detachment doesn’t diminish the funks, only allows me to see them for what they are: transitory.

Can anyone else relate to this?

So, yes, I’m in a mini-funk. I see the funk. I accept the funk. And the funk is what it is. Over the next week or two I’ll probably be doing a lot of thinking (not always beneficial!).

Meanwhile, though distracted and unmotivated, I’m working anyhow. I’m reading through the manuscript that I’d worked on with Erstwhile Agent, trying not to dwell on all the ways the first 25 pages I’d changed per her suggestions (to speed up the beginning) don’t feel right.

Meanwhile, two quotes I’m liking at the moment. I wrote this one out large on several sheets of paper and taped it to the wall beside my bed:

I’m a great believer in luck, and I find that the harder I work, the more I have of it. (Thomas Jefferson)

This quote reminds me to quit with all the thinking already!

Our “original mind” includes everything within itself. It is alwasy rich and sufficient within itself. This does not mean a closed mind, but actually an empty mind and a ready mind. If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything. It is open to everything. (Shunryu Suzuki-roshi)

Bummed Versus Philosophical

Posted on November 22, 2008 by lalber

Bummed Lisa: Dal-burned rain, go away!

This is the Lisa who yesterday:

~ Pulled a Debbie Downer on three hapless people (fellow dogwalker, barista, deli chef), telling them my tale of woe. (They were sympathetic, which did help.)

~ Didn’t ingest anything until 3:00 p.m. and then ordered Starbucks’ most decadent holiday mocha (I don’t even like Starbucks) and the most decadent sandwich at the nearby gourmet deli.

~ Sat in the car staring off into space for so long the dog curled up and fell asleep.

~ Watched television all night (“Ghost Whisper,” “The Mentalist,” and “The Starter Wife”).

VERSUS

Philosophical Lisa: See pretty lights; I like pretty lights.

This is the Lisa who yesterday:

~ Went on a 90-minute dogwalk and condoled with a woman who’d recently lost her husband to Lou Gehrig’s Disease (using Oregon’s Death With Dignity Act).

~ Found herself thinking (and believing) things like: This is for the best and there’s a better agent out there for me. All will be well.

~ Who felt a mental eff-you finger toward obstacles in general: Oh, yeah, well take that!

Time Traveling? Or Nuts? You Tell Me!

Posted on November 20, 2008 by lalber

I’m leaning toward nuts, but I hope in an engagingly preoccupied way that I can blame on the fiction…

A few moments ago, relaxing in bath, with novel, and, yo, duh, I realized that I’d lost track of the day of the week and the date of the month. Perhaps not so unusual, that. Such confusions often go hand in hand.

But.

Not only that, I was apparently time traveling forward and backward simultaneously because I wrote “November 18, 2008” in my novel journal today yet this morning posted a Free-For-All Friday post! It’s one thing not to know the exact date (par for the course with me), but the day of the week?!? How did I wake up this morning thinking it was Friday? In fact, last night I started writing the Free-For-All Friday post, none the wiser…

And how is it, knowing that a week from today is Thanksgiving, having firmed up my holiday plans just today, having jotted those plans in my day planner, did I think we were only on the 18th?

I ask you!

Yee gads, it’s official: I’m one of those crazy writers! (Any new readers coming upon the Free-For-All Friday post must think so, too!)

Maybe I should dance the time warp from Rocky Horror Picture Show about now.

Answering Nova Day

Posted on November 20, 2008 by lalber

(What is this? My very own meme, which could take the form of other Friday memes out there — random five or ‘fessing up — or non-Friday memes, or anything! Point being to have a little fun and get a little interactive. Feel free to snitch my logo at left and do your Friday thing!)

I’m calling today’s Free-For-All Friday installment “Answering Nova Day” because this strikes me as a fun thing to do.

Nova left a comment on my Monday Thoughts post. This comment consisted of a couple of questions that continue a couple of thoughts and are worthy of free-for-all-ing on this soggy Friday.

On the topic of outlining, Nova asked, You know I’m going to write an outline for the next novel, but if it’s anything like what I did the last time I don’t look at it after it’s written and I change the story quite a lot…What’s your non-outlining plan?

Funny you should ask, Nova, because I’ve been thinking about that lately. And I confess:

I love index cards. I’m the index card queen. I’m also the brainstorming and character analysis queen. So, after catching a whiff of something — could be an image like two people walking down a lane (last novel) — I chase the whiff down with said brainstorming and character analyses until I’ve got a semblance of an idea.

(My question always is: How do people come up with their ideas? I have to torture them to get them to reveal themselves! What about you?)

The character analyses are the big thing for me. And if you believe that character is plot and plot, character, then you’re probably not surprised that plot points arise out of the analyses.

This is where index cards come in. I jot every scene idea onto its own card. Also, every scrap of dialogue that floats into my head, every what-if possibility, everything. I end up with way more cards than I use. I shuffle through them as I write the first draft, adding to their number, setting aside those that become moot or simply too silly to use, and so on.

I usually stop writing the first draft (last time it was at around page 120) to take stock of what I have. By then, I have a way better idea of the story. If I remember rightly, last time I did this, I spent many weeks analyzing and revising to sinc up the material with what I now knew to be true for the story. (That said, the first draft is still a mess.)

I do wish I had a better process. I would love to be a person for whom the one-sentence what-if? idea and subsequent outlining came easily…

And next, regarding deadlines, Nova asked, What’s your next self-imposed deadline?

Once again, funny you should ask, Nova, because yesterday I decided that my next self-imposed deadline is, ta-da:

Finish revising the older novel I’ve been working on and send it to my agent in January. I’m even going to call her to let her know this — that’s really putting the flame under my tookis, isn’t it?

Story Got Accepted!

Posted on November 18, 2008 by lalber

Remember the funny post I wrote about developing a story in four days to meet a deadline? (This post.) I started with less than nothing. Truly. My brain was so empty of ideas that it was vacuum. No way, I thought, can I come up with a plausible idea by deadline much less write it up.

Of course, thinking this, I had to give it a try.

Well, the story got accepted into the anthology to be published by TripleTree Publishing! And I didn’t know this, but I’ll be paid a little bit of money, too. That’s always a bonus.

What’s amazing is that the story is barely a second draft. Yiiikers. I expect to work through a few heavy rounds with the anthology’s editor. But that’s okay. I’ll bet I learn something.

Monday Thoughts

Posted on November 17, 2008 by lalber

Today, a hodge-podge because I’m distracted by various thoughts, some pertaining to writing and some not. I share my distractions with you, lucky readers.

1. Latest with the dog.

Check it out. She gave herself a shiner last Thursday. Running about the apartment in her most fetching and playful manner and — BAM — with a yelp, she clocked her empty eye socket against a chair leg. The swelling hasn’t gone down yet, so I’m worried. I’ve never had a shiner. How long does it take for swelling to retreat?

2. Dennis Lehane, novelist. Good news for us non-outliners.

Caught an online interview with Lehane, and I like what he had to say about his process. To start writing, he has to have a strong macro-sense of the story, which consists, he said, of only a couple of must-include plot points. Other than that, he feels his way through his stories. And his stories are complex, wouldn’t you say? This is kind of amazing. He said he may write a little list, jot a few notes, about what he’d like to happen, and even then, apparently, his end product probably won’t match the list. I like this. I like this alot. And you?

3. Goal-setting (maybe this should have been number one).

I need deadlines, yep. I got to thinking about this because over the weekend a guy I’m crushing on mentioned the term “self-starters” in conjunction with us writers. It’s so true! I’d never thought about it this way, and I stood up a little taller when he said this. I’m a self-starter(!). And, let’s be honest, those of us currently without publishing contracts need to be, don’t we?

The truth is, I used to be a better self-starter. I didn’t need to light a flame under my tookis with self-imposed deadlines. These days, I work better when I make contracts with myself. Sometimes the constant self-vigilance is exhausting, but what else to do? I’m still a self-starter!

4. PUBWEST Conference: On pretending I’m someone I’m not and fantasizing about the future.

Over the weekend I attended the Publishers Association of the West’s annual conference. My goal was to get the inside scoop on Internet marketing and publicity. I managed to absorb some knowledge and meet a couple of interesting potential contacts.

Mainly, though, I found myself relishing my “Presenter” status. This was a great joke. Someone in the back office had attached a “Presenter” ribbon to my name tag. I caught people flicking glances at my chest (not lasciviously) and then smiling at me. Not that this doesn’t occur in general, but I’m telling you, it was a different kind of vibe coming my way. Like I was Someone. Most strange, really, but fun. I like to think it was a dress rehearsal for the real thing!

The name tag makes a great cat toy.

Free-For-All Friday

Posted on November 14, 2008 by lalber

Today for my meme I get to respond to another meme. This one is a commenter’s meme. I ask you, who thinks these up? People have good imaginations out there. I was tagged by Charlotte over at Charlotte’s Web.

(Addendum: Forgot to post this and now it’s outdated! I’m too lazy to update for Pete over at Couch Trip who left a nice comment today. Also, Caroline left a comment but doesn’t have a blog (yet?) –“hi” to you!)

The rules:

1. List the last 10 people to comment on your blog.

2. If you’re on the list, you’re tagged.

My last 10 commenters:

1. Terry at Mr. Wandering Writer

2. Sandi Kahn Shelton

3. mari at cha no ma-ri

4. Charlotte at Charlotte’s Web (What’s the rule on this? She tagged me!)

5. oh at Oh! Books…Paper…Real Life…

6. Becca at Bookstack

7. DeAnna at Writely So

8. tracer at Twilight Spy

9. Lane at Lane Scheideman’s Photography

10. The Girl In The Cafe

Here are the questions:

1. What’s your favourite post from number 5’s blog?

oh’s a great photographer. I always like her Six-Word Saturdays with an image and a caption. This one was especially nice.

2. Has number 2 taken any pictures that moved you?

I remember one photograph that had me drooling. This was Sandi’s idyllic summer writing spot. Also, check out the cover of her latest novel, Kissing Games of the World. Talk about moving.

3. Does number 8 reply to comments on her blog?

I can’t say that tracer replies. However, I know this blogger in the flesh (not just virtually) and I know it’s not personal!

4. Which part of blogland is number 4 from?

Charlotte is from the part of blogland that speaks to any of us. She’s a writer, sure, but I don’t consider her blog just about writing. Also, because she’s a South African living in Germany, she adds a nice international flavor to my blog experience.

5. If you could give one piece of advice to number 5, what would it be?

Personally, I would love it if Lane added some text around his photos. (Everyone: another wonderful photographer.) Some of the technical or inspirational context. What was going on with him during the shoot…You know, just commentary.

6. Have you ever tried something from number 1’s blog?

Terry drops in every once in awhile, which is great. I can’t say that I’ve tried anything from his blog, but then, he doesn’t have that kind of blog. He shares his short fiction, which is far more brave than I have been so far.

7. Has number 3 blogged something that inspired you?

mari bakes the most delicious-looking cookies, and her photos look too good. Her series of VOTE cookies before the election put a smile on my face and kept me hopeful.

8. How often do you comment on number 6’s blog?

Not often enough! But only because I haven’t read most of the books that Becca has so have nothing to add to her reviews. (Get lots of reading ideas from her!)

9. Do you wait for number 10 to post excitedly?

Personally, I like it when The Girl In The Cafe posts madly or sadly. Just kidding — that’s an oddly worded question. Currenly, TGITC is working on a film so I look forward to her updates. I also like her commentary on film in general.

10. How did number 7’s blog change your life?

DeAnna Cameron’s blog? I gotta tell you, when I land a book-publishing contract, I’ll be reading every one of her posts again because her novelist interviews include TONS of tips about publicity and marketing. They’re very insightful.

My Father’s Lesson

Posted on November 13, 2008 by lalber

Yes, I’m procrastinating.

I submit a sunshine picture because two days of constant rain and gray ended — for now. Today brings blue — actual blue! — sky, sunlight reflecting through fluffed clouds, and aspen leaves lit-up gold. I’ll get the dog out for a real walk because her excess energy led her into the litter box — and out came the kitty rocas (crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside, as my friend Bruce likes to say) all over the carpet. Nice waking up to that. Gag. What is it with dogs and poop?

So.

I’m about to start the task I mentioned yesterday. I feel fine (not so sick). Why do I resist settling down to story-development work? It challenges me in a way I don’t like, perhaps because it’s such an organized act. First drafts, revisions: okay; but this? Anyone out there who can relate?

I’d let the task go except that the few times I’ve thought before writing (hehe) proved helpful. In the end, it’s a skill I need to practise. That’s what it comes down to…Have got to keep practising and improving on all writing fronts, even the fronts I don’t prefer (to put it nicely).

This reminds me of my father (and here I go, procrastinating further — what a shock). He owned restaurants. During college breaks I worked at one of them. It got so that he let me call in the payroll every other week, which was a heinous job. In fact, much of my father’s day was spent at tasks that appeared deathly dull, even painful at times.

So I asked him, “How can you stand doing all this stuff?”

He said, “Even the best jobs come with the parts we don’t like. We do them because there’s a bigger picture. That’s the way it is.”

(My father was a pragmatic man.)

That was a huge learning lesson for me. One of the best. In one casual moment, I learned that we gotta suck it up sometimes, even when we love what we do. I remember him when I’m trying to settle down to writing tasks that don’t thrill me. Like now!